Like many people with autoimmune diseases, I receive therapeutic plasma exchange treatments. It is, however, less common for folks with scleroderma. Because I go to the Apheresis clinic twice per week this summer I tried to get a new port for access.
I read about Post-Traumatic growth for this first time in March on the Heart Sisters Blog. Life with a chronic illness-scleroderma- may have gotten worse on a physical level, but I felt conflicted because in some deeper ways I believed that I was changed for the better.
When the doctor delivered the news I thought to myself,, "Well it's hopeless, I'm never getting better." I hadn't realized how much I was counting on this treatment working. Was I a fraud? Had optimism failed this hurdle?